Okay, so I finally got up off my arse and got Sorted by the Sorting Hat on Pottermore.
However, when I took the quiz, I tried to tailor my results to get me into Hufflepuff because that’s where I knew I belonged. I knew it. Hufflepuff was me, the house described me, not to perfection, but fairly well.
- Hardworking – Ehh… not so much, unless I’m really really interested in it.
- Friendly – I suppose, a little shy at first, but I’ll give it a go.
- Loyal – Most definitely
- Honest – Yup. Except for a few little white lies, the usual; No, your butt doesn’t look big, you lost loads of weight, etc., etc.
- Impartial – I do tend to stay out of things that don’t directly involve me.
Hufflepuff has also got the least amount of darkness in its past, and that includes the almighty stuck up their arses Gryffindors.
I know Gryffindor is supposed to be the house that everyone aspires to and aims for because… I dunno, they have big penises or something. But to me Gryffindor is just a bunch of wizards who are stuck up their own hole because for their whole life, they’ve been told Gryffindor is the best house to be put in. And anyone actually in Gryffindor has been groomed to believe they are better than everyone else. In the books, there’s four houses and these four are the good guys, the bad guys and the other two houses. That is literally it.
I have been told before that I think like this, purely to try to pull off an indie image. And that insulted me down to my core.
Indie isn’t even the right term to use, as that is a label purely for music. Hipster was the right term to use. But god help the person who dared to call me hipster completely seriously. Hipster is lower than Scene.
Admittedly, there are a lot of “in” things right now that I dislike or hate and wouldn’t be caught dead near them. Certain music, fashion, movies and books. The basics of a hipster.
I don’t dislike them because they are popular, I dislike them because they are shit.
But anyway, imagine my utter DISGUST when I was placed into Gryffindor!
I was shocked. I actually sat at the computer, mouth agape for a full minute, and then tiny little squeaks began to come from my mouth. Then I began to shriek in outrage.
I could not believe it! I was a Gryffindor. A dirty spoiled high and mighty Gryffindor. I was unceremoniously shoved into the house I hated the most. I would have taken ANY other house. I’d have been so extremely content in Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin. Any house I would have been happy in except for that one. My only consolation was, I look good in red.
I slowly began to accept my fate. I’d have to go through the rest of my life as one of them.
Even the acceptance letter was full of it.
“This is, quite simply, the best house at Hogwarts. It’s where the bravest and boldest end up – for instance: Albus Dumbledore! Yes, Dumbledore himself, the greatest wizard of our time, was a Gryffindor! If that’s not enough for you, I don’t know what is.
I won’t keep you long, as all you need to do to find out more about your house is to follow Harry Potter and his friends as I lead them up to their dormitories. Enjoy your time at Hogwarts – but how could you fail to? You’ve become part of the best house in the school.”
Their traits are courage as well as “daring, nerve, and chivalry”…
So they’re a bunch of cheeky muts? That’s all their known for? Running headfirst into a fight without even looking up? And holding the door open for a woman?
How the hell did they ever survive the second wizarding war? Have these guys ever heard of Sun Tzu?
There are literally hundreds of quotes from him that I could put here that show that Gryffindors are the WORST type of people to have around you when planning or in the middle of a battle. But here’s the best:
“He who is prudent and lies in wait for an enemy who is not, will be victorious.”
Do you realize that that is practically what Voldemort did for the seven books? He waited for Harrys big head to come to him, and he did. Which means a load of important characters got killed because Harry had a surge of testosterone and jumped in without thinking. The only reason Voldy didn’t win, was because he didn’t realize that his secret agent got REALLY pissed that Voldy killed off his favourite pair of tits, so he switched sides.
So yes, I became a Gryffindor. Then I realized I hadn’t been entirely truthful about the quiz, so I signed up with a separate email address and took it again. Answering completely honestly. And if I got landed with Gryffindor again, I’d just have to cry it out.
But thankfully I didn’t. But I also didn’t get my dear Hufflepuff… I got Ravenclaw.
Which, to be honest, I was actually a lot happier about than had I gotten into Hufflepuff, looking back.
Anyway, my really long rant is over, so here’s the Ravenclaw welcome letter, and I think it’ll help you see why I liked it more.
Oh, I also didn’t want to be a Gryffindor because the boyfriend’s a Slytherin…
But that’s in the past now…